Monday, May 23, 2016

"Reality Used To Be A Friend of Mine"

A moment captured.  About a week ago I spent another six days in the hospital.  This was a little over four weeks after my last nine day stint.  My eyes cloudy.  You can see the tubing from the PICC line in my right arm.  After all these years my veins don't work.  Literally, my veins cannot support an IV.  And it usually takes multiple people, multiple attempts to even find a vein that will work for a short amount of time.  (This is a topic that I plan to go into great detail on in the future) I was going to post some of the actual journal entries from this particular hospital stay but they're kind of all over the place.  And like I said, I am severely private, so this whole sharing thing is VERY outside of my comfort zone.  Although, I don't know much about "comfort" anymore.  I guess that's why I finally decided to do this...
     So, I begin with this glassy-eyed sad photo of blinds drawn and palm trees in the distance.  I can't decide how I feel about the palm trees.  They remind me of the beach and being happy and healthy playing in the sun.  So, are they taunting me? Are those trees mocking my "old life"...You know, the life where I was happy and healthy and didn't turn my back...? Or are those trees there to remind me of that happiness and the hope of returning to a life where I am happy and healthy? Perspective.  Mother Fucker. 

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